Eye of the Beholder

Growing up I always felt like the chubby girl in my group of friends.

My older sister was always skinnier than me. I was the fat sister.

My brother had a nickname for me. It was “fat cat”.

In 3^rd grade I stopped eating lunch for fear of getting fatter.

A boy on the bus in 6^th grade told me my legs were too fat to wear shorts; I stopped wearing shorts after that day. (To this day, you will rarely catch me in shorts.)

My senior year of high school I stopped eating every meal except for dinner. My close friends and boyfriend (now husband) caught on to this and expressed concern.

I have always had body image issues. I’ve always been more concerned about what other people think I look like. Skinny=pretty. Fat=ugly. These are the words I repeated to myself. These are the ideas I was led to believe. These are the ideals we create for our children, daughters and sons alike.  

Surprisingly, it took a fitness program to help me see the very real problem with body image in our society. Wait…I take that back. It took a COACH, a friend, pushing me and helping me, guiding me to become the best version of myself. Not the best version of someone else, but of ME. And guess what?! It had NOTHING to do with being skinny, or fat, or any specific dimension that someone else destined for me to be. I am physically and emotionally the person I want to be because I decided it, not because someone else did.

I made the decision to start P90X in June of this year and to say that this decision changed me is an understatement. The workouts were fun and challenging. They were a bit long, but I made the time for them, because I knew it was a priority and I wanted to stick with it. When I began this program, I thought it was because I wanted to lose weight and tone my body. I never in a million years DREAMED of what this ONE TINY decision, would eventually do for me.

That ONE TINY decision brought about an enormous change in my life.

That ONE TINY decision dragged me out of the depression I was in for years.

That ONE TINY decision made me a better mom, a better wife, and a happier person to be around.

And that ONE TINY decision made me realize that there is more. There is more to life than the everyday struggles; I was MADE for more! I was made for bigger and better things. And I am finally DOING those things! I’m building my dream life and I couldn’t have done it without making that one decision to FINALLY put ME first.